Finding Your Voice

It is often scary to speak up. Especially someone else might not like what you have to say. It can feel easier to not say anything rather than taking the chance of having someone angry or upset with you. But is it?

Bottling up our truth has a cost, and often goes into our belly as an uneasy feeling or a knot. We may keep the peace, or the goodwill of the other person, but what about our relationship to ourselves? I know when I don’t speak up and hold in my truth, I feel badly towards myself. It doesn’t feel good to sacrifice our connection to ourselves in order to keep a relationship with someone else.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about blasting anyone. It’s important for our relationship to the other person and to our own peace of heart to speak in a clean way that is free of blame or criticism. That is done through “I” statements. I’ll write more about that at another time.

The truth is, holding in our truth isn’t actually good for the relationship either. When we do things to please others at the expense of our relationship with ourselves, we end up feeling resentment that often comes out in quietly destructive and hurtful ways to the other person.

Speaking up means taking the risk that there will be some conflict or disruption to the relationship. This doesn’t often happen though. Usually speaking up leads to more closeness and trust, because the other person knows they can count on you to be upfront and honest.